


Keep Them Buried In My Heart and Never Fought

by loveliza



Series: little girl, the answer is love [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Acceptance, Denial, Grief/Mourning, Hope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 21:24:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15827229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveliza/pseuds/loveliza
Summary: The green paladin waits patiently by her side, and Allura can see her fingers twitching in her lap. Her lips quirk, a humorless laugh escaping her. “If I ignore it,” she whispers, face twisting, “then it’s not true.”OR the princess of altea mourns for her planet, but allura mourns for her home.





	Keep Them Buried In My Heart and Never Fought

Truth be told, Allura had no idea she was doing it. It must’ve been a week or two after she’d awoken from the cryopod when it was brought to her attention how… _destructive_ she was being to herself.

No one had noticed except for Coran, who had simply given her a knowing look that she brushed off subconsciously ( _she should’ve realized then, honestly. Coran wasn’t exactly subtle),_ and surprisingly, the green paladin.

It was odd, to say the least, when she had stomped up to Allura (all 5’0 of her) and demanded that she speak to her in private. She agreed, following her off the bridge and into the hall, farther and farther, until they reached the Green Lion’s hangar.

“Is there something wrong with the Green Lion?” Concern dripped off her accent, teeth gnawing on her bottom lip ( _a habit that many royal tutors had failed to break)_ at the thought. “Coran can run—“

“Princess,” the green paladin cut off, fingers wrapping around her wrist and gently pulling her down to the floor. Her dress spooled around her, Altean fabric soft against her legs. “I noticed you’ve been training us to no end,” at this, Allura bristled. “We hardly have time for anything else.”

“Zarkon will not wait for us!” She snapped, tongue lashing out words like a whip. “We must be prepared for whatever he threatens us with. The five of you have yet to master your bonds with your lions; not to mention _each other!_ Lance and Keith can’t go five seconds without yelling obscenities!”

By the end, Allura’s face is flushed red ( _deep like the armor that would shine on her father)_ , chest heaving. Her kaleidoscope eyes stay locked on the Green Lion, fury and _fear_ bouncing off the metal through her gaze.

“So why have you been working so hard?”

Her words snapped Allura out of her stupor. “Excuse me?” She blinks, brows furrowed.

“If it’s us, _the paladins_ , that need to be prepared,” Pidge drawls out, chin in palm, “than why have _you_ been working yourself to the bone?”

“I’m not sure I follow.”

“Allura,” she starts, and Allura is struck with the realization that this is the first time any of them have said her name without her title first. “You’re constantly on the bridge scanning for Galra fleets, or in the training room working on programs for us— or just training yourself. It’s almost as though you _want_ the Galra here.”

It stings like a paper cut. “Why would I want the Galra here?” She mutters, pointedly ignoring her amber gaze.

Pidge merely shrugs. “You tell me,” her voice is nonchalant but Allura can see in the way she tilts her head that she knows _exactly_ why Allura is keeping herself busy.

“It’s silly.”

“Okay.”

The green paladin waits patiently by her side, and Allura can see her fingers twitching in her lap. Her lips quirk, a humorless laugh escaping her. “If I ignore it,” she whispers, face twisting, “then it’s not true.”

“Ignore what?” Pidge asks, voice light even as she stares expectantly at her. Allura hesitates.

“That my family, my _home_ , is gone.”

Pidge hums. “You can’t ignore this forever, Princess.”

It’s a simple change of addressment, but it feels like ice in her veins. It felt so _normal_ to hear someone call her Allura and she hadn’t realized how she _ached_ for it. ( _Truly, she only missed the voices that had called her by her first name. Even Coran had hardly said her name; maybe the pain was unbearable for him as well)._

“I,” paused the green paladin. “I do it sometimes, too, though. To deal with the grief,” her eyes meet Allura’s. “I just throw myself into my work and let everything fade away until it’s numb.”

“We run towards it, and yet, we bury it deep,” murmurs Allura, eyes flickering at the Lion once more. “As though, we are ready to fight for them, but can’t bare to acknowledge that they might be gone, so we lose them to ourselves.”

The silence stretches between them, stifled by their thoughts and regrets.

“I miss them,” whispers Pidge. Allura closes her eyes tightly at the waver in her voice, ignoring the urge to shield her from the horrors of Zarkon. “I just want them to come home.”

A sob escapes her, bubbling up in her throat and exploding immediately. She sobs for Altea, the home she can never return to, for her father and her mother; she sobs for her people and the ones that never got the chance to live. Her dress is bunched in her hands even as she hunches over.

She can vaguely hear the sobs of another, the small childlike hands that grasp her arm ( _and hers at theirs)_ , but it never registers.

“I know it’s been 10,000 decaphoebs,” she whispers, shaky hiccups erupting from her, “but I was frozen in time. My planet was _destroyed,_ my family was _killed_ , all in the span of five minutes and now, I feel so _lost_.

When I look at you, all I see is the paladins of old, who I saw only a month ago! All I want is to go _home_ , b-but it’s _gone_ , all of it. Everything that I grew up with as common knowledge is reduced to folklore! _Legends_ and _myths_ , as if we had never existed. . . . As if my parents death was for naught.”

Her cheeks are blotchy from the tears, eyes rimmed with red and nose sniffling, and she feels _exhausted._ It aches in her bones, and wills her to _give up_.

“But you keep fighting,” mutters Pidge, wiping her eyes with her sleeve and offering Allura a shaky smile. “You’ve never stopped fighting for your people, and to keep them alive; to stop Zarkon from doing what he did to Altea again.”

A small smile blooms on her face, her eyes dancing with hope. “I suppose so,” she muses, nodding her head at the green paladin. Her gazes wanders away to the Green Lion and she can feel the strength growing in her heart like roots from a tree.

The Princess of Altea may fight for her planet, but Allura mourns for her home. 


End file.
